Although it seems like it has been forever, my grandma has only been gone from this earth for a little over a month. Last week I was still crying when a memory struck me (although it was dot week so I can understand why I was such a mess) but then this week there were days I didn't think of her at all.
So then I began to think "how terrible, she has only been gone five weeks and already I have forgotten." This woman who meant the world to me is already a faded memory? I should be grieving more and then I wouldn't feel guilty...those are the thoughts running through my head right now.
I loved her so much and now she's gone...and I didn't think about it once today.
I know you are supposed to move on with your life but I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to stop crying before grass has even grown over a grave site! Maybe my mind has filed her death away in the denial folder but all I know is that it doesn't feel right.
So then I began to think "how terrible, she has only been gone five weeks and already I have forgotten." This woman who meant the world to me is already a faded memory? I should be grieving more and then I wouldn't feel guilty...those are the thoughts running through my head right now.
I loved her so much and now she's gone...and I didn't think about it once today.
I know you are supposed to move on with your life but I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to stop crying before grass has even grown over a grave site! Maybe my mind has filed her death away in the denial folder but all I know is that it doesn't feel right.
3 comments:
I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.
As far as the proper way to grieve... There are no rules for it. Everyone handles death differently, and if you're not crying at every single thing that reminds you of your grandma, that doesn't mean that you don't love her or miss her. Don't beat yourself up over something like that. She wouldn't want that for you, and no one else does either. Hold on to the memories you have, and cherish them. It is possible that you're in a state of denial, and that is normal too.
[[Hugs]]
I don't know that it's possible to think of a person every single day. I don't know what that means when people say that because I know that of all of the people I've lost over my life whether by death or choice, I don't think of them every day. Instead I have moments that bowl me over with emotion when I think, "Man- they would have loved that" or something. And sometimes it just comes out of the blue and a memory will come to me and that makes me smile. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about because the love for her isn't diminished in any way.
There is no "how to" when it comes to grieving, no set time either. some people grieve all at once, others in small moments here and there as they remember things. Still others go on with life but fall into a "funk" when the anniversary of the death comes around.
All are normal, just like you are.
There will be moments when you "forget', moments when you remember and cry, moments when you remember and smile.....don't be feeling bad about this.
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